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  I was so damn wet. He slid two thick fingers into me, working me inside and out. My whole body tensed unbearably tight, until it seemed like I might shatter. Just explode into chaos and love-struck confusion. Then he flicked his tongue back and forth across my clit, stopping to suck at it every other time, lips encasing my swollen, completely overexcited sex.

  I couldn't take it any longer. My whole body went boom.

  I came with a shout, eyes open wide but unseeing. He'd colored my world in sparkles. Multitudes of little flashy lights, filling my mind and lighting me up. I just floated, lost in the feel-good chemical haze he'd induced. The mediocre to bad sex I'd had during my juvenile, idiotic, wild phase didn't even begin to compare. Nothing in common with how Ben worked my body. The pleasure he gave me. Damn he was good at oral. Scarily so.

  When the haze of blinky lights faded, he was busy pulling his shirt off over his head. Apparently undoing the buttons would have taken too long. He wiped off his mouth, dark gaze glued to me all the while. Next he toed off his boots and ripped into the pants--belt, button, and zip. Plain black boxer briefs outlined a monster of a hard-on. No wonder it wouldn't fit. And the way he looked at me, like he wasn't sure if he wanted to take a bite out of me or what. I don't know. But his gaze slipped over me so warmly, belying the hunger in his eyes.

  Then the boxers went down and he was climbing over me, hooking an arm around my waist to drag me back into the middle of the bed.

  "Are we going to--"

  "Yeah," he said, then tore open a condom wrapper with his teeth. One-handed he rolled it on, the slippery, smooth latex rubbing against me between my legs.

  "Good. That's ... that's good."

  His moist lips covered mine, kissing me hard.

  "Trust me," he said, positioning the broad blunt head of his cock against my opening.

  I nodded.

  "Legs and arms around me."

  "Yes." I did as told, wrapping him up tight.

  "That's it, sweetheart," he murmured, flexing his hips.

  His lips played with mine, tongue licking my jaw, my neck, as he worked his cock inside of me. Arms encircled my head and his beautiful face was so close, bristly cheek resting against mine, teeth nipping my ear. Now that I was plenty wet, things went smoother. But still, he was not a small man. He felt good, but ... substantial. Thick. It might take me a while to get used to him.

  And there weren't enough words to explain how I wanted to get used to him, in all the ways.

  "Wait." I squirmed beneath him, tilting my hips to take him deeper. "Oh god, yeah. Like that."

  "There?" He surged forward, filling me, his hips pressing me deep into the mattress. I sighed and he moaned, his pelvis shifting restlessly against me.

  "Yeah."

  "Fuck you feel good," he said, face buried in my hair. "So fucking good."

  I flexed my thigh muscles, tightening my hold on him. Given half a chance, I'd never let him go. In return, he groaned, easing back to thrust forward again, slow and easy. The motion smooth and precise. Ben fucked me so sweetly, working himself deep into me in sure, steady strokes. Accustoming me to his presence. His body trembled with the effort, sweat dripping off his brow. I'd never experienced anything more perfect than being in bed with him. Being the focus of all his attention.

  It was like we were each other's whole world. Nothing else existed beyond the bed.

  His mouth took mine, his hand slipping down between us to explore where we were joined. Fingers caressing the stretched lips of my sex, just above my still sensitive clit. I gasped and he smiled, adjusting his angle slightly so he rubbed against it. He fucked me harder then, pushing me up and up toward climax once more.

  "Ben," I panted.

  His arms tightened, caging me in, keeping me safe. A hand slipped beneath my ass cheek then traveled up my leg, sliding over my sweaty skin. He grabbed ahold of my thigh, hard, fingers digging in. The familiar ecstatic tension spread through me, completing me. It was out of control. Everything about sex with Ben was out of control. The way his hard chest rubbed against my breasts and the single-mindedness in the way he watched me, gauging every response. His big body covered me, his cock filling me. Pleasure was the only possible response.

  I came, shuddering, biting into his shoulder. I shook and shook, and he held onto me even tighter. He drove himself deep and came, one hand in my hair and the other still wrapped around my thigh.

  Nothing could ever compare.

  Ben collapsed beside me. He hit the mattress so hard I bounced into his side and stayed there, curling up against him. It took a while for the world to stop spinning, for us both to catch our breath.

  My insides buzzed. Hell, my whole body buzzed. I hid my face in his skin, grinning like a fool. How incredible for me and him to be in the same bed doing the postcoital bliss thing. I'd been this happy, this certain of something, precisely never in my life. It wouldn't be easy but it would be worth it. Mal and Anne would adjust, because eight years was nothing, really.

  I rolled onto my side and snuggled into him. The dude had more than enough body warmth for both of us in the cool air-conditioning. Then, from somewhere close, came a buzzing.

  Ben stirred, reaching down to snag his cell from the pocket of his jeans before tossing them aside. When he saw the name on the screen his whole body stiffened. The buzzing went on. His thumb slid across the front of the cell and he held it to his ear.

  "Hey."

  A faint voice from the phone.

  "No, no. I dropped her back at her room."

  More from the caller.

  "For fuck's sake, man. When will you get it through your head nothing's going on? Girl's not my kind."

  My heart stuttered. It hurt.

  "Ha-ha. Yeah, fuck off. Go back to your bride. I'm heading to a bar uptown. Shilly's playing. Said I'd join for a while."

  More talk.

  "Yeah, I'll tell him you said hi. Later."

  Above me, the ceiling swam blurrily, my vision wavering. Silly me, always so surprised. When would I learn?

  "Were you ever going to tell him?" I asked quietly.

  "What?" Ben sat at the side of the bed, head in his hands. He was just having a moment, the sex had been intense and so on. All of us processed emotional moments in our own sweet way. "You want a drink or something?"

  "No. I want the truth." Strangely calm, I sat up, tugging the sheet with me. All of a sudden being naked didn't seem like such a smart idea. "Were you ever planning on telling Mal about us?"

  "We only just finished having sex. The man's on his honeymoon. It's his wedding night. You really want me to get into it with him right now?"

  "No. What I'm asking is if you're planning on getting into it with him ever."

  Ben looked away, wiping his face with a hand. "It's complicated."

  "Yeah. But I'm not sure you lying to him helps."

  "And I'm not sure me telling him I just banged his little-sister-in-law would help, either," he snapped. "Shit. Liz, I didn't mean it like that."

  "I know. It's complicated." My voice seemed so small.

  He looked back over his shoulder at me, face guarded. "Wait..."

  "It was an accident. You got jealous when you saw that guy with me in the bar, overheated. I get it."

  "I didn't mean--"

  "You never do." Without further ado I rolled off the bed, taking the sheet with me. "I'd like you to leave."

  "Lizzy." It was right there on his face and in his eyes. The set of his shoulders shouted it, and those curled fingers just reinforced everything. Regret.

  "Leave, please. You know you want to."

  Jeans lay abandoned just inside the bathroom door. I halfheartedly kicked them aside, locking myself in.

  "Sweetheart." A timid knock or two. "C'mon, open up."

  My back to the door, I slumped down, not stopping until the hard marble chilled my ass. Egyptian cotton didn't have such great thermal properties, apparently. Tears fell, but I just ignored them. Whatever.

 
; "Let me explain."

  I don't think so.

  "I just ... I panicked when I saw it was him. Fuck, Lizzy." An angry thump on the door. "You don't get how hard this is. I like you, but..."

  But. But me no buts. Fuck.

  "I'm not saying I wouldn't have told him in time."

  Huh. Nor was he saying he would have.

  "Christ, can I at least have my pants?" he grumbled.

  No, actually. No he couldn't. From me, he couldn't have a single thing more. I'd given all I would.

  More tears fell unchecked. My body still buzzing but my heart breaking open. How confusing. So much good with the bad. It really was complicated. Everything went quiet out there; he said no more. I guess, at the end of the day, I just wasn't the kind of girl that "complicated" worked for. I wasn't in search of drama. I wasn't only happy when it rained. So instead I sat on the cold bathroom floor and cried and cried.

  Eventually, dimly, I heard the front door slam shut.

  Over and out.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  NOW

  "No."

  "What do you mean, no?" asked Anne, face incredulous.

  "No. I'm not going to explain what went on between me and Ben to you."

  She just blinked.

  "It's personal." I stood tall, despite feeling about two inches off the floor. "I just wanted you to know that I chased him, not the other way around. I had feelings for him and I acted on them. End of story."

  So I guess I would explain what happened between us. At least a little of one side of the sorry tale. Hopefully enough to save the band. Good god, did my pride lay in tatters on the floor.

  Mal wouldn't meet my eyes, and Ben's nose was still bleeding. Awesome. What a mess. The entire dinner party had denigrated into some blood-splattered, rock 'n' roll wrestling, multiple-surprise-baby-announcement mess. My fault. I should have handled it differently. Not that I had any idea how I could have done better just yet, but whatever. Doubtless some genius ideas would taunt me at two in the morning.

  There were a lot of judgy eyes in the room. All of my new friends and family gathered around to watch the explosion. Shit.

  "I'm sorry," I said and bolted for the door. I grabbed my coat and left.

  *

  A banging noise.

  I cracked open an eyelid. In the darkness the alarm clock shone 3:18 a.m. in brilliant green. What in the ever-loving hell? The banging continued, followed by the muffled sound of voices. One was loud and belligerent, the other far calmer. I got up and flicked on the living room light, stumbled over to the front door. Whoever it was would just have to take me in socks, old sweatpants, and an oversize T-shirt. Away from the warmth of my bed, goose bumps covered my arms.

  "Liz?" a familiar rough voice demanded. "Open up."

  I did as asked, yawning and rubbing the sleep from my eyes all the while. "Wow. You look a mess."

  "Yeah," said Ben, swaying slightly.

  He stood upright mostly due to the aid of David, one big arm thrown over the other man's shoulders. Hair hung in his face, combining with the beard for a cross between a yeti and a Cousin It kind of feel. From between the dark strands, red eyes peered out at me. Oh, and lest I forget, he also stank like he'd recently bathed in a keg of beer, using Scotch-scented soap. Lovely.

  "Sorry 'bout this," said the guitarist, half dragging Ben into my apartment. "He insisted on coming over."

  "It's fine."

  "On the couch?" David asked, face lined with strain.

  "Ah, have to be the bed, please. He's too big to fit on the couch."

  "Serve his stupid ass right if he woke up on the floor." David sighed.

  "Let me help." I slid beneath Ben's other arm, trying to take some of the weight. Christ, the man could put a bear to shame in the sheer bulk department.

  "Hey, sweetheart," said the giant drunken sod.

  "Hey there, Ben." I grabbed hold of his hand, hanging on tight. "How you feeling?"

  "Great." He chuckled.

  "I'll go first," said David, directing the three of us sideways so we'd fit through my bedroom door.

  "Okay. Go slow."

  "Yep."

  Operation Haul the Drunken Baby Daddy into Bed was going well. Except when Ben kind of stumbled halfway through. He surged forward, his forehead cracking into the doorjamb. I swear I felt the building shudder. There was definitely an indent in the wooden frame.

  "Ow," he said, sort of contemplatively.

  David just laughed.

  "Crap. Are you all right?" I asked, trying to push the hair back from his face to see, while keeping him upright and hopefully safe from further harm. "Ben?"

  "He's fine. Dude has the hardest head I've ever seen. One time when we were kids we got stoned up on the roof of my house. Ben walked straight off the edge. We were all freaking out, but by the time we got down there he'd already gotten on his bike and headed home. The big idiot's basically indestructible." David directed us toward the side of the bed. "Okay, let him go."

  I did so, and the father of my unborn child toppled face-first onto the mattress. At least that had to be a soft landing. Still, he lay there completely unmoving, apart from the rebound of the springs. God, I hoped we hadn't accidentally killed him. If we had, at least the neglect wasn't willful.

  I grabbed one of his sneakers and gave it a shake. "Ben, are you still breathing?"

  A groan from the man on the bed. Not too bad, as signs of life went.

  "Don't worry," said David. "He's fine. Just let him sleep it off."

  I nodded, still frowning just the same.

  "You right with him?" asked David, hands on his hips. "I can send Sam over if you like. He's finished babysitting Mal from what I hear."

  "No need, thanks. Is he all right? Mal?"

  He gaze softened. "Passed out just like this one, apparently."

  Seriously, such a mess. Anne and Mal would probably never talk to me again. Well, Anne would, but she was my sister, so she had to forgive me eventually. Mal was another situation entirely. The thought of losing his high opinion and easy affection bit deep. Consequences were a bitch. Realistically, however, I couldn't imagine myself having done any differently even if I'd known Mal and Anne would be pissed. I mean, I'd already known that and it didn't even make me pause. Fewer star-crossed lovers and more adults should be allowed to date who they wanted.

  Maybe if I'd known the night would result in the bean ... I don't know. There was only one thing I was sure of: sex equaled nothing but chaos and confusion. It was official.

  I squeezed my eyes shut. "You must hate me."

  David's brow wrinkled up. "What? Why?"

  "For causing all this trouble." The urge to flail was huge, but I restrained it. For now. Instead, I got busy wriggling Ben's shoes off his feet. No way were they making contact with my sheets.

  "I'm assuming you didn't have to hold a gun to Ben's head to get him to fuck you?" The guy watched me unblinking, face dead serious.

  "Um, no."

  David shrugged. "There you go."

  "Isn't that taking a slightly overly simplistic view of the situation?"

  He smiled. "In my experience, shit usually is pretty simple when you get right down to it. When it comes to matters of the heart, you decide where you belong and you go be there. Simple. Ben wanted to be here. Don't think I didn't try to talk him out of it, either. The bastard insisted."

  Maybe. "Wonder what his new girlfriend would make of your theory."

  "Yeah." He winced, his mouth widening in imagined pain. "I'll leave that one up to you two to sort out. But try not to stress. Can't be good for Ben junior."

  "Right." I rolled my eyes and dropped Ben's shoe on the floor. "But how is this going to affect the band, the two of them fighting?"

  It took him a long time to answer. "I honestly don't know."

  Fuck.

  "Night. I'll lock the door on my way out." He raised a hand in salute. "Call Ev if you need anything."

  "Thanks, David."

 
The front door clicked closed behind him, leaving me alone with Ben. He lay passed out sideways across my queen-size bed. Ben was in my actual bed. Holy hell. I didn't quite know what to do with that information. A pity there was nothing but boxes and junk in the spare room. Not that I didn't want him near. My heart wasn't so sensible. It was just time for me to start taking the safer option when it came to him. Past time even.

  "Hey." I leaned over the mattress, giving his leg a shake. "Roll over."

  A moan.

  "Come on, big boy. Move it. You're taking up all the bed."

  Incoherent muttering.

  This was not working, and like hell I'd be sleeping on the love seat. I pulled off a sock and tugged on his big toe. "Ben. Wake up."

  In slow motion, he stirred, lifting his shaggy head and looking around.

  "Roll over."

  "Wha--" He turned, easing himself up and over, as requested. He blinked and grimaced and looked generally displeased with the world. A lumpy red line bisected his forehead. Whatever David said, that had to hurt. "Lizzy?"

  "Got it in one."

  "How'd I get here?"

  "David just dropped you off, remember?"

  He scratched at his beard. "Uh. Okay."

  "You need to move, you're taking up all of the room."

  Bewildered, he rose up on his elbows and took a look around. "This your bed?"

  "Yes."

  "Did we..." He raised an eyebrow suggestively.

  "No, I already learned my lesson, thank you very much."

  "You sure?" He gave me a wonky smile. "It could be fun."

  "Yeah, you look like you've had enough fun for the both of us for one night, buddy."

  "Maybe." He contemplated the thin cotton of my shirt for a good long while, one corner of his mouth moving upward. "Hey, you're not wearing a bra."

  "Shut up and move, Ben."

  A groan. "All right."

  It took him about forever to wriggle and roll and finally get his big fat head up on the pillow. On my favored side, damn it. Whatever. I lie down on my back beside him, keeping a nice, fun, celibate distance between our two bodies just in case he decided to try and get some. More sleep would be so great. To grow the bean, I really needed rest. My limbs were weighed down with lethargy, my head full of blergh.