Twist--A Dive Bar Novel Read online

  “You couldn’t use your own shower?” I asked, voice sounding only a little rusty. And oh, good God. Now that he was full-on facing me, it was the bulge below his waist that was really the issue.

  Not my type. The man was not my type, no matter how fascinating I apparently found his body. Once I got back to Seattle, I really needed to get laid.

  “Hey, great. You got your voice back.” He smiled. “Eric was in the shower and I didn’t want to wait around any longer. I was worried about how you were doing. Plus, the water heater isn’t that big and I wanted to leave some hot water for Nell.”

  “Right.” I took a soothing deep breath, pretending to swallow his obvious lies. As pickup lines went, Joe’s needed work. I blew my nose. “Um, no problem. But would you mind putting a towel on? Or pants, maybe? Pants would be good.”

  He laughed, making bits of me quiver. Bits that frankly should have known better.

  “Alex, this is a towel.”

  “Ah. No, it’s not.”

  “It is. See?” The man held out his arms, modeling the freakishly small piece of white cloth.

  “No, no.” I pressed my lips together tight, anger and aggravation growing in me by the second. “That’s like a hand towel. Christ, I’m not even sure it’s that. It’s probably more of a glorified face cloth you’ve stretched somehow.”

  Chuckling, he shook his head. “Alex—”

  “Hell, I can almost see some of the essentials. That’s ridiculous.”

  “Yeah, but you’re half hanging off the bed to take in the show.”

  “Oh, I am not. I just had to cough.” I forced out a fake cough or two, holding my fist up to my mouth. We were in the friend zone, goddamnit. No perving allowed. Still, I could feel my face flushing, my nipples getting perky.

  “Alex, relax. I saw you in your underwear. Now you’ve seen me in a towel. Why are you getting so worked up about this?” Hands on slim hips, his tongue played behind his cheek. Like stringing me out like this was all highly fucking amusing. Asshole. Hell, he even had a little golden treasure trail. A scattering of hair starting at the belly button and leading downward. My fingers wanted to follow the trail so badly. They basically itched, the little bastards.

  “Look, it’s okay. I know what you’re doing,” I said, my croaky voice thick with recrimination. “But I just don’t think it’s a good idea between us.”

  “What am I doing?”

  “We should only be just friends,” I stated. “And this goes a bit beyond that.”

  “Friends don’t let each other use their showers occasionally?”

  “Friends don’t strut around showing off their assets.” I did not giggle nervously. That was someone else. God, what an awkward situation. “I could see less skin at a strip joint!”

  “Fuck me,” he muttered, smiling.

  “Normally I might be open to the idea of doing that,” I said. “Just the once, mind you—for fun or to get it out of our system or whatever. But this situation is a freaking mess. I’ve already been hurt by you. Emotions were involved despite my better judgment. Having sex with you now, even as friends, would just be stupid.”

  He looked at me all wide of eye and said very slowly, “You want to have sex with me?”

  Everything stopped. Every little last fucking thing.

  “Alex?”

  “I, um…” Over and over my jaw worked, yet nothing came out. Total panic stations. My brain had blanked, most likely fleeing the room. “I think maybe I’m a little high on the cold and flu meds. Yeah, that sounds about right?”

  He just gave me another serving of that questioning look.

  “No. No, I definitely don’t want to do anything naked with you.”

  He blinked.

  “You thought about having sex with me, though?”

  “What?” I faux cringed.

  “But you said—”

  “Forget about what I said. And stop saying sex.”

  Joe just stared at me.

  “I thought you were trying to start something. I mean, you can’t blame me for thinking this is a setup.” Curling my feet up beneath me I leaned forward, ready to attack. Or defend. Or something. “Somethings wrong with Nell’s heat, seriously?”

  He grabbed the back of his neck. “Shit. Alex, it’s okay. No need to be embarrassed.”

  “And Eric was in the shower? That story is so lame, it’s like something out of a bad porn film. You might as well tell me you’re the pool boy,” I said, packing in all the scorn I could manage. “I’m not your type, remember? Then you come over here, parading yourself in front of me like some lumbersexual gigolo. So that yet again I get led on and wind up looking like a complete idiot! What kind of sadistic near-naked asshole are you?”

  “I’m not playing games or something, okay?” The man hung his head, slowly shaking it. “Let me clear this up right now.”

  Without another word, Joe picked up his cell phone off the table.

  “Hey Nell,” he said into the phone. “Alex just wanted to ask you something.”

  Circumventing the bed, he pressed the cell directly into my reluctant hand.

  “Hello,” I said cautiously.

  “Alex! Great to talk to you,” said a friendly feminine voice. “How are you doing? You’re still sounding a bit off.”

  “Ah, yeah. Getting better, though.”

  “Good. Glad to hear it. Listen, if it’s not okay for Joe to hang with you tonight just say so. I can always go to my brother’s place. It’s just that they were planning some fancy date-night thing, you know?”

  “No. That’s fine.”

  “Excellent. Let me know if you need more soup or anything.”

  “Thanks. Yeah. Thank you for all the care packages. That’s really sweet of you. Thanks.”

  “No problems. What was the question?” she asked.

  “Ahh … can I pay you for the food and drinks? I’d really like to pay you. You’ve been so kind.”

  “Absolutely not! I’ve got to go, but I hope we’ll see you in at the bar again real soon. Everyone would love to meet you properly. And don’t worry, we don’t bite. Or remind people of embarrassing scenes caused by idiot males.”

  “Right. Thanks.”

  “And can I just say, I get that he behaved like a complete dick. But Joe really is a great guy.”

  “Ah…”

  “It’s such a shame he’s been on his own for so long when he has so much to offer a woman. And I realize you don’t know me from a lump of moldy cheese,” she said. “But honestly, you could do a lot worse than giving him a second chance. You two looked really great together the other night.”

  I frowned, perplexed. “How could you tell? Mostly we were just yelling at each other.”

  “But there was passion there, you know? Real passion.” She sighed wistfully. “That’s so precious, Alex. It doesn’t always come along more than once in a lifetime.”

  “Right. Okay.” Deep breaths. “Thanks for that, Nell.”

  And she was gone.

  Joe squatted down beside the bed, staring up at me. Good God, if anything could have made his flasher skirt even worse. I averted my eyes, despite my brain wanting another moment to imprint the memory. Idiot brain.

  “Do you believe me now?” he asked softly. “I can call Eric too if you want.”

  “No, that’s fine.”

  “Okay. I’m going to put some pants on so you’ll be more comfortable.”

  “Thanks.” Subdued, I set his cell on the bedside table. “Nell’s a big fan of yours. You know, I think I’d like a drink. Vodka and orange, maybe.”

  “No problem.” The man sounded way too fucking happy.

  “I think we should both stop talking for a while. Watch a movie or something. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

  “Sure. I won’t even ask you for an apology for all those nasty things you said.” Highly magnanimous of him.

  “This never happened,” I stated most adamantly. “None of it.”

  Grabbing a pair of je
ans out of a bag on the floor, he couldn’t have smiled any more if he tried. The dude’s face had to be hurting from the overload of glee. “Alex. Little Miss Fucking Sunshine.”

  “Shut up. You’re responsible for enough horrifically embarrassing moments this week, thank you very much,” I said. “Worst Internet friend ever. I think I need more meds.”

  “Hey. Just remember, I didn’t say no.”

  “Well, I said no before you could say no so I win.”

  “Okay.” The bastard gave me such a sweet, gentle smile.

  I couldn’t take it, not from him. “You’re too hairy for starters.”

  “What?”

  “Who needs that much hair? On your head, your face, the bits on your chest … it’s all too much.”

  His brows drew tight. “That so?”

  “Why, I bet there’s a jungle down there. Tell me, Joe, have you had any complaints? Is the tiger getting lost?”

  Tongue in cheek, he stared back at me.

  “I’m just worried about you.” I shrugged, all innocence. “Friend.”

  “Kind of you to be so concerned about my dick. Friend.”

  I smiled benevolently.

  “See, this is why I prefer blondes. Brunettes are just so high-strung. You can never tell when they’re going to turn nasty.” He wrinkled his nose. “And not in the good way either.”

  I put my hand to my head. “You’re hating on my hair color?”

  “Just calling it like I see it.” Stupidly muscular thick arms crossed over his broad chest. “Also, I like women with a little color. Ones who occasionally go out in the sun. You’re so pale you make Casper look alive. I’d be too fucking scared to touch you. Anything I do would leave a bruise.”

  “Do you think maybe that’s because you’re so freakishly large it’s hard to relate to normal-size people?”

  Teeth gritted, he gazed down at me. “Now that I come to think about it. I’m not real keen on your eye color, either. What do you call that shade of green? Fungus?”

  I gasped in outrage. “Yeah, well, yours reminds me of dirt after the rain. You know, when there’s mud everywhere. Or maybe wet manure.”

  “Has your chin always been that pointy, or is that because of some childhood accident?”

  A beat of laughter burst out of me. Actually, that was a good one. But I wasn’t done yet. “Your toes are so furry,” I said. “Is it a hassle having to shave them all the time?”

  He grinned.

  “And I think it’s wonderful some women have a Hobbit foot fetish,” I continued. “Works out damn well for you.”

  “That one wasn’t very good.”

  “It was too.”

  “No. You just keep coming back to body hair and my size. You’re being lazy,” he chided. “Come on. You can do better.”

  “Man.” I rubbed at my forehead. “Well, I’d insult other bits of you if I could see them! The body hair is a real problem. Are you related to Yeti on your mom’s side or your dad’s?”

  “Lay-zee.”

  I huffed out a laugh. “I think I’m done for now.”

  “Okay.” He perched on the edge of the bed, TV remote in hand. “I’m going to let you off. Clearly your sweet little head’s been taxed enough for one day.”

  “Bite me.”

  “My point exactly.”

  In lieu of a response, I smacked him in the back of the head with a pillow. The idiot just laughed.

  “I win,” I said. “Again. And I am in no way ever interested in having sex with you. That was just all a sad misunderstanding. I mean, look at you…” I made a fake moue of distaste.

  “Sure. Whatever makes you happy, Little Miss.” He held his peace for all of about three seconds. “I don’t want to have sex with you even more.”

  God, he was so petty. Juvenile, even. Just the same I ignored him. An act of charity he probably didn’t deserve. But it’s important in relationships, even just friend ones, to show that you’re the better person.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Message received four months ago:

  Hey Alex,

  I was glad to get your email. It’s been a shit of a day. My brother went after the new waitress at the Dive Bar and caused a crapload of trouble and drama I could do without. Then dad got upset with some long time carpentry customers and family friends changing over to another builder. But with his health the way it is, he’s not willing to take on anything but small jobs anyway. It’s damn frustrating. Enough bitching. Hope you and Marty are doing well and enjoying the sunshine for a change. Make sure you take a break now and then and get outdoors.

  All right, you wanted to talk best and worst childhood memories. Let me think. Worst would be a toss-up between the time my brother accidentally dropped my favorite Transformer toy into the fireplace. I could have killed him. Optimus Prime and me were tight. Best buddies. And then there was the first time I ever brought a girl home for dinner and it turned out she just wanted an intro to my brother. Embarrassing as all hell. Are you getting the feeling he’s been ruining my life since day one? Ha. He’s not so bad most of the time. At any rate, he’s family. What can you do?

  Best memory would be when Laura from down the road decided she wanted to get friendly with me at fifteen.

  xx

  Message sent four months ago:

  ERIC!

  I can’t believe you sent me a porny childhood memory about you losing it. That’s disgusting. What happened next with Laura? Tell!

  Sorry to hear your brother is causing you stress. Some people just seem to take up more space, time, and energy than others. I have an older brother who’s in the military. I’m very proud of him but it’s not like we see each other much or have a huge amount in common. He’s a good guy though. I think you’d like him.

  On the childhood memory front, I feel your pain over losing Optimus Prime. I myself lost Bridal Barbie in a terrible act of mutilation perpetrated by my brother’s dog. Her head never was found. As for this Laura getting friendly, my worst memory is my first kiss. I thought you did it with your lips closed but the guy went in with mouth wide open, lots of tongue action. I came away confused, my face covered in spit. It took me a while before I was willing to kiss again. My best memory would have to be making chocolate chip cookies with my mom. It didn’t happen often because she was so busy. But when we did, she always pretended not to notice the fact that I ate half the dough and never lectured me when I got a stomach ache. As a kid, that was always pretty awesome.

  Not much else going on here right now. Work is steady. I got offered a big contract by one of the more prestigious marketing firms in town. It would be great money and experience, but I’m not sure I’m that good or that I’m ready to operate at that level so I said no. Growing the business more slowly is safer.

  I’ve been looking online at some properties, apartments with more space, but even the ones in need of work are still way out of my price range once you factor in how much the renovations will cost. I’d do as much as I can myself but apart from scrubbing walls and repainting them, my skills are minimal.

  Hope things at work have calmed down. Ever considered a chastity belt for your brother? Just a thought.

  Alex x

  The walls were closing in on me. Just like in the scene from Star Wars where they’re stuck in the trash compactor, slowly but surely I could wind up squished. Reduced to nothing more than a weird stain on the carpet. Housekeeping would not be happy.

  Overly dramatic, but true.

  I slumped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Yep, still white, flat, and boring.

  Normally me and my space were best buddies. Especially when I was alone. Alone meant absolutely no one giving me shit, involving me in shit, or generally being a shit. Alone was safe and oh so comfortable. Alone didn’t care what you wore or how many days it’d been since you washed your hair or shaved your pits. Alone accepted you exactly as you were. It never lied to me or let me down.

  For all of these reasons and more, I loved alon
e. One day we’d probably wed. Marty could be best man.

  Valerie often complained that it took a grappling hook to get me out the front door. That or the promise of cheesecake. Being trapped in this hotel room for the last forty-eight hours, however, had somehow started driving me insane. Perhaps it was all the bland, tastefully appointed furniture and fittings. Maybe if I had my own stuff I’d be fine.

  I don’t know. Everything seemed so meh. I sat up, crossed my legs, and looked around.

  My nose had mostly stopped running and there’d been no more fever, only a mild headache. Aspirin had dealt with it just fine. I’d showered and gotten dressed in my favorite blue boyfriend jeans and a simple black T-shirt. Washed my shoulder length brown hair.

  Truth was, I was well enough to travel. I should have been on a plane already. Except, Joe and I had a movie marathon the night before with a room service carpet picnic and I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I’d enjoyed myself so much. Not to mention the curious little side glances he kept giving me. All of the spending time together had changed things. Again. God, it was confusing.

  I’d crushed on him hard.

  Then I’d hated him with the fire of a thousand suns.

  Now I liked him and his body far more than I should.

  Outside, a magnificent sunset covered almost half of the sky. Violet and blue, gold and orange. There was also the lake and the mountains. Lots of trees. Coeur d’Alene was beautiful. It was a pity I hadn’t gotten to see much of it, really. Also, I had already paid for another night just in case because, you know, it was probably good to give my body a bit longer to get over the plague.

  Fuck’s sake. Such confusion.

  I couldn’t even commit to packing. My carry-on lay on the floor, clothes, shoes, and toiletries spilling out of it every which way. A girl explosion. Panties, bras, everything was hanging out there. Even the stupidly small and expensive black hooker dress and the ruined heels. (Last time I ever let Val talk me into going shopping. Until next time.)

  At any rate, it all lay there waiting … staring at me accusingly.

  The lock clicked, the door swung open.

  “Hey,” said Joe, stepping into the room.

  “Hi.” I half raised a hand. Then stuck it back in my lap. “How’d your day go?”